we're chasing vodka with high fives
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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