we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
