FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
