Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
