last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
