I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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