He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
