Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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