I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
