Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
