i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
