I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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