These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
