I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
