The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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