You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Houston, we have a blender
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
