there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
