Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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