goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
