Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
