the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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