1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
