I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
