and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
ugly people sure do ruin things
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
