I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
