good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
