Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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