We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
