there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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