Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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