Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
