Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
