i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
