one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
