Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
