Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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