dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
