You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
