I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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