he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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