i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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