Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
