I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
