a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
