That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
