Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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