1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
