I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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