Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
