God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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