let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
