she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
