I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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