capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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