dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
