1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
