We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
